Letters to Love Read online

  ALSO BY SORAYA LANE

  Voyage of the Heart

  The Devil Wears Spurs (A Texas Kings Novel)

  Montana Christmas

  Montana Homecoming

  Montana Reunion

  Her Best Friend’s Baby

  The Returning Hero

  Her Soldier Protector

  The Billionaire in Disguise

  Patchwork Family in the Outback

  Mission: Soldier to Daddy

  Rescued by the Rancher

  The Soldier’s Sweetheart

  The Navy Seal’s Promise

  The Navy Seal’s Bride

  Change

  Back in the Soldier’s Arms

  Soldier, Father, Husband?

  Rodeo Daddy

  The Army Ranger’s Return

  Soldier on Her Doorstep

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  Text copyright © 2015 Soraya Lane

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

  Published by Montlake Romance Publishing, Seattle

  www.apub.com

  Amazon, the Amazon logo, and Montlake Romance Publishing are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc., or its affiliates.

  ISBN-13: 978-1503947863

  ISBN-10: 1503947866

  Cover design by Lisa Horton

  For Sophie Wilson, my editor. You pushed me so hard on this book, and I’m incredibly proud of the final story. Thank you!

  CONTENTS

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  EPILOGUE

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  CHAPTER ONE

  February 2008

  Bella,

  I have something to tell you. I’m pregnant. I promised Gray we’d keep this a secret, that we wouldn’t say anything until we were both back, but keeping this from you is killing me. I’m only eight weeks, so it’s early days, but you have to promise me that you’ll take care of my baby if anything ever happens to me. You’re the only person I would trust with my child, except for Mom and Dad, of course, but it’s you I’d want to raise my baby if something happened to me or Gray. I know you hate me putting myself in danger so often, but serving my country means a lot to me, and I think we just have to agree to disagree on what I’ve chosen to do for a job. I love this baby so much already, our little “button.” See you soon, and don’t tell Mom yet!

  Love, Lila xoxo

  August 2015

  Bella Anderson turned up the music, smiling as the wind blew back some strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail. She had the window down, preferring the natural breeze to her SUV’s air conditioning, hand dangling out and strumming a beat on her door. It was her favorite part of the day—she was about to stop for a coffee at her local café, chat to the cute barista as he made her latte, and then make notes before meeting clients for the day. Only today she might have to order an extra shot after the night she’d had trying to get her two nephews to sleep in their own beds.

  The song ended and she turned down the radio before pulling into a parking space. Bella reached for her bag, slinging it half over her shoulder as she went to pull her keys from the ignition.

  “. . . a serious crash in Napa Valley has closed one of the main . . .”

  Napa Valley? Her ears pricked, pulse ignited. She dropped her bag and turned the volume back up.

  “Police say fire crews are at the site, using the jaws of life to rescue the two occupants of the car. They are not releasing any details at this stage; however, they are believed to be a man and a woman. The SUV was hit by a truck traveling in the opposite direction in a head-on collision.”

  Bella gripped the steering wheel, heart beating fast. Napa Valley was a big place. There were hundreds of people traveling on the road. And plenty of them would have two occupants in the vehicle. But something didn’t feel right. She let out a big breath and reached for her keys, then her bag, slowly getting out and walking numbly toward the café. It was still quiet out, the lull before the morning rush, just the time of day she liked best, only now it seemed too quiet.

  The firm, no-nonsense voice of the radio announcer kept running through her head. Napa Valley. Head-on collision. She gripped her bag tighter. No more thinking about the stupid news report.

  “Ma’am?”

  She looked up and blinked when she realized she was being spoken to, forcing a smile. “Sorry—I was a million miles away. Latte to go, one sugar.”

  “Anything to eat today?”

  Bella always ordered a croissant or bagel, but her stomach was churning so hard right now that just the thought of her coffee was enough to make her want to be sick. But she had to eat. And stop getting all paranoid.

  “Ah, maybe a bagel. Cream cheese and jam, thanks.” She paid and took her receipt.

  “We’ll bring it over.”

  “Thanks,” Bella said.

  “Hey.”

  Bella looked up, smiling at the gravelly voice that always made her grin. There was something about flirting with this particular guy that always kick-started her mood. “Hey yourself.”

  He wiped down part of the coffee machine with a white cloth, somehow managing to make the simple action look sexy, especially when he winked as he did it.

  “You heading out this weekend?”

  Bella bit down on her lip to slow her smile. “Are you asking me out?”

  “If you ever said yes to me, I might keep asking.”

  She leaned against the wall across from him. If only he knew that if he actually asked her out instead of just teasing, she’d probably be the one saying yes. “I’m actually already taken this weekend. Threesome would you believe.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tease me like that.”

  “Two boys.”

  “You just ruined the mental picture I had going on.”

  Bella took the takeout cup from him when he held it out, laughing at the bemused look on his face.

  “They’re six and four, my nephews,” she told him. “Their parents are away on a romantic break. So we’ll be ordering in pizza, snuggling up, and watching DVDs, followed by three of us crashing in bed all together.”

  He rested his elbows on the counter and leaned forward. “Sounds like a good date.”

  “Two lattes and a long black!”

  Cute guy whose name she didn’t know pulled a face and straightened. “And so the day begins.”

  Bella waved and crossed back over to collect her food. She stopped to take a quick look at the newspaper, then glanced back over her shoulder before heading for the door and walking out. She was tempted to check the news app on her phone for an update about the crash but thought better of it, deciding to call her sister instead.

  The phone rang, and she smiled, imagining what her sister would say when she answered. Lila would laugh and tell her to stop worrying so much. That she’d survived war zones and dodged bullets, that Gray was an amazing driver and
would never crash, blah blah blah.

  “Hey, you’ve reached Lila. Leave a message.”

  Bella hung up and redialed. They were probably still in bed, cursing the phone for ringing and ruining their fun morning sex. And when Lila called her back, she’d tell her sister that she was stupidly paranoid and to stop freaking out.

  Nothing.

  She put the phone in her bag again and took a quick sip of her coffee, burning the tip of her tongue. Damn it! She hurried down the road and jumped back in her SUV, sliding the coffee into her cupholder. Bella checked the clock and decided to make the quick drive over to her parents place for peace of mind. She didn’t want to worry them but . . . She didn’t have her first client for an hour, which meant she had time to shoot past their house before heading to her appointment.

  Bella started up the engine and indicated before pulling back out onto the road, accelerating hard and reaching for her coffee once she could take a hand off the wheel. She laughed at how uptight she was, knuckles almost white they were gripping the wheel so hard. A few minutes ago she’d been flirting shamelessly with her coffee guy, and now she was a bundle of nerves again, pulse hammering away like she’d just run a marathon.

  This is ridiculous. My sister is fine. Gray is fine. I’m being paranoid.

  She drove fast to her folks’ place, foot hard on the accelerator, until she saw their street sign and slowed. They’d lived on Blossom Avenue all her life, and just seeing the familiar big house on the corner, the trees lining the street as she pulled in, lifted her spirits.

  “In breaking news, we’ve just had confirmation that the two motorists involved in the head-on collision in Napa Valley have died at the scene. Further details will be . . .”

  Bella gulped and quickly turned the volume down, not needing to hear anymore. And then she saw them. No lights flashing or sirens blaring, just two cop cars pulled up directly outside her parents’ place, disturbing the otherwise perfect, nothing-out-of-place neighborhood.

  Bella pulled into the driveway, drained her coffee now that it was more warm than hot, and pressed her forehead to the steering wheel for one long moment. Then she took a deep, shuddering breath, jumped out of the car, and folded her arms tight across her body as she walked up the front path to the door. She guessed no one would answer if she knocked, so she just turned the knob and let herself in.

  It was silent. Eerily silent. No laughter, no talking, no TV blaring, or clatter from the kitchen. Just deathly silence. Followed by a wail that cut straight through Bella, made her double over in pain when she realized the animal-like noise had come from her mother.

  And then she ran, heels clacking loud on the wooden floor as she shot straight past two police officers in uniform and straight into her mom’s arms.

  “I need to go and collect the boys,” Bella said, her voice straining.

  Pain shot through her, bursts of emotion like knives stabbing every inch of her body. She bit down hard on the inside of her mouth, refusing to cry. Not yet. She was still holding her mom in her arms, keeping an eye on her dad sitting in his chair by the window. He hadn’t said a word, silent tears running down his cheeks now that the police had left. Bella had so many questions, so many things running through her head, but she was also thinking of everything she had to do. Things she had to set in motion. Everyone she had to look after. She was in coping mode now—she had to be.

  “Will you bring them here?” Her mom’s quiet voice surprised her.

  Bella dropped a kiss into her hair. “No. I’m going to make some calls, contact Lila and Gray’s lawyer, then take the boys home early. I want to keep things as normal as possible for them.” As normal as things can be when both your parents have just died.

  Her mom nodded. She gave her a final big hug, arms wrapped tight around her, then crossed the room to place a hand on her dad’s shoulder. It was the first time in her life she’d seen him cry. Her big, tough-as-nails, amazing military dad; a man who never cried, never complained, never asked anyone for anything. And now he was sitting as still as a statue, body shuddering with emotion as she touched him.

  “I love you, Dad,” she whispered.

  He squeezed her hand back and nodded.

  Bella squared her shoulders, not looking at her mom again. If she did, there was no way she could leave the house. But her mom and dad had each other, and she needed to be there for the boys.

  Her hands shook as she reached the car and leaned in for her phone. She had four clients scheduled for the day, and she needed to call the first two at least and explain that she couldn’t make it. Her assistant could deal with the rest, not to mention the next week.

  “Hi Rachel, it’s Bella.” Her voice was on autopilot, the words spilling from her mouth even though her brain felt like mud, trying to process what had happened. “I’ve had a family emergency, and I’m not going to make it this morning. But if you head into the showroom, you can still look over all the lovely taffeta fabric and let me know if there’s anything you like. We can pair the drapes with the final wall colors another day.”

  She made small talk, sucked back a deep breath as she had a similar conversation with her next client about her house, and then slumped back against the car. Suddenly, interior design seemed trivial, stupid. Lila is dead. She balled her hands into tight fists, nails digging in hard to her palms. Gray is dead. She stuffed her fist to her mouth, biting down on her knuckles as burning hot tears filled her eyes. They’re gone.

  She shook her head, refusing to believe it.

  The sound of her phone ringing pierced her thoughts, jolting her back to reality. The number was showing as private, and she answered, thinking it could be the police or someone else she needed to hear from. Something else she needed to force herself to be strong for.

  “This is Bella,” she answered, voice shaking as she tried to compose herself.

  “Bella, it’s Noah.”

  The deep, raspy voice on the other end only brought everything back. Lila and Gray’s wedding, Noah’s speech, arguing with him when she’d found him kissing the other bridesmaid, seeing him goofing around with Gray outside the delivery room the day Cooper had been born, him dressing up as a clown at Will’s fourth birthday party.

  “You’ve heard, haven’t you?” she whispered, hardly able to trust her own voice.

  “Yes, I’ve heard,” he replied. There was a pause. “Are you looking after the boys?” he asked.

  Bella nodded, then realized he couldn’t see her. “Yeah. I’m going to get them now. I’ve been staying at their place. Are you here or away?”

  Noah was a Navy SEAL, had worked with Gray for years and known him for even longer. They’d been best friends since school days, until Gray’s family had become foster parents so they could take him in, and since then they’d been as good as brothers. But he was nothing like Gray, and despite all the teasing over the years, she’d never wanted to become one of his conquests. Unlike another one of Lila’s bridesmaids.

  Normally, Noah wound her up—he was a larger-than-life guy who always seemed to put the cat among the pigeons. And he often went too far. But suddenly hearing his voice today seemed to soothe her, made her feel closer to Lila and Gray somehow.

  “I’m heading back to the US now,” Noah said, voice crackling as the line faded in and out. “I’ll be back in Cali within forty-eight hours.”

  She didn’t ask how he knew about what had happened, because she didn’t care. Maybe he’d been listed as Gray’s next of kin.

  “I’ll—” Bella took a deep, shaky breath, trying to stop herself from sobbing. She bit hard on her lower lip for a long beat. “I’ll let you know the arrangements.”

  The crackle of the line was the only sound until Noah’s voice echoed back at her. “Stay strong. I’ll see you soon.”

  And then all went quiet.

  Bella pulled the phone from her ear, shuddering as she pushed it into her pocket, the wind suddenly freezing as she wrapped her arms around herself. Her body shook as she fo
ught the emotion, the burning hot terror within her that she’d been desperately trying to ignore. Her legs gave out beneath her, made it impossible to stand, and she collapsed onto the grass outside her parents’ home, praying they couldn’t see her as the tears started to spill from her, the gasps of pain stealing her breath away.

  She’d always thought she’d lose her sister to a war zone, waited anxiously every time Lila was away, and instead, she’d died in a car with her husband just miles away from home. The tears were more violent, running down her cheeks and into her mouth, her head hanging as she fought to breathe.

  Gray had wanted to do something for their anniversary, and Bella had planned it with him to help surprise her sister, had offered to look after the boys so they could have an entire week of spending time together, just the two of them.

  And now they were gone, and there was nothing she could do about it. Not a goddamn thing.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Bella sat straight backed, one arm around each of the boys as she nodded and smiled and pretended she was happy to see all the well-wishers who came past to pay their respects. The service had been long, filled with words of hope and talk of better places, but Bella hadn’t been able to take her eyes off the massive photo of her sister on an easel beside her coffin. It was still propped there, Lila in full dress uniform, with the photo of Gray positioned to face her from the other side.

  She looked down at the boys, hating how quiet they were, listening to their sniffles instead of their usual laughter. She also looked around and saw that it was finally her chance to get up and leave, to get in her parents’ car for the private burial. They had to deal with the guests and refreshments afterward, but it was a relief to be leaving it all behind, at least for a short time. The church was packed full of friends, family, and military, and Bella was feeling suffocated.

  “Come on,” she urged in a voice she hoped sounded happy and not fake. “Let’s go meet Grandma and Granddad outside.”

  The boys stood, and she kept hold of their hands as they walked out. Bella kept her head down until they were out in the afternoon sunshine.